Conquering your fears

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

Frank Herbert, Dune

In Herbert’s book, Dune, the main character, Paul Atreides, first recites this mantra when facing the gom jabbar, a device designed to simulate intense pain. By doing so, he pushes everything else away and brings his courage to the fore. The idea is to gain mastery over the natural impulse to recoil or flee and hide.

I know that impulse intimately. I have always been quite a fearful person. I hate doing new things or going to new places. I find interacting with strangers extremely challenging. I avoid confrontations as much as possible. In fact, lockdown was heaven-sent for me. I didn’t have to go anywhere or see anyone. I loved it.

Unfortunately, it exacerbated the hermit tendencies I already have, so coming out of lockdown has been particularly difficult for me. I have had to relearn all my coping strategies and force myself out into the world again. It has not been easy.

I think that is why it felt so cathartic to write my second book, Secrets of the Towers. In it, Reez is paralysed by fears and unable to function. His anxieties cover numerous issues: being discovered by his enemy, Verrin; dying; humiliation; rejection and failure. I may not have a Master of Anima Magic looking for me, but the rest of the list is quite familiar. I have talked in other blogs about not being good enough as a writer and having imposter syndrome. I have spent much of my life desperate for affirmation and acceptance.

As I write this, the fears surrounding covid have subsided slightly, but now we are being bombarded with other terrors. Putin’s war in Ukraine is continuing with missile attacks raining down on the cities and towns. Monkeypox has been declared a global emergency. There is a worldwide energy crisis and prices are skyrocketing. Food banks are struggling to cope as the cost-of-living soars. It is a terribly bleak picture. Faced with this kind of constant onslaught, is a mantra enough?

I don’t think so.

It would be nice to think we could conquer fear by disciplining our minds, but that is setting ourselves up for failure. Most of us are just not mentally strong enough to dispel fear this way. There are, however, other things we can do to alleviate the terrors we face, both real and imagined.

The first thing is to regulate what you see and hear. I have stopped watching the news altogether, for instance, and I am a lot happier in myself. Filling my mind with good things means that I don’t constantly chew on the stuff that scares me. As the Bible says, “In conclusion, my friends, fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honourable.” Phil 4:8. Read the books that have the happy endings. Walk in the forests and by the oceans, and marvel at the beauty surrounding you. Go to an art gallery. Savour your favourite ice-cream. Laugh. Spend time with people you love. Turn off your phone to avoid the temptation of “just checking”.

Be kind to yourself. Living in constant fear is very stressful, so make sure you are eating properly, taking exercise and getting enough sleep. If you are anything like me, you can feel exhausted by 4pm, but as soon as your head hits the pillow, your mind is running at a hundred miles an hour. Some things that have helped me are writing thoughts down, so have a notepad next to your bed. Establish a routine, so your body and brain recognise that this is the time for sleep. Get up at a regular time. I am fortunate to be able to stay in bed all day if I want to, but I don’t. I have a routine to my day which helps my body find a rhythm. Invest in a sleep mask, earplugs or cosy pj’s if that helps. If you are really struggling, have a cat nap, but set an alarm so you don’t sleep too long. You may need to consult your GP for some medication if all else seems to be failing.

Talk it out. This may just be with a trusted friend, or with a professional counsellor, but it is good to express your fears out loud. By bringing them into the light and looking at them through someone else’s eyes can diminish the power fear holds over you.

My own mantra is “Feel the fear but do it anyway”. I admit that I am scared, but I still make myself talk to that person, walk into that room, or travel to that place. (I want to say a big thank-you to my good friend Megan, who gifted me with a sat-nav to help me combat my fear of getting hopelessly lost!) Just as fears diminish when you start to talk to them, so too they lessen when you face them head on. When Reez finally confronts his nemesis, he discovers that Verrin is nothing like the terrifying man he has imagined for years. Very often your fears are much smaller in reality, or even non-existent.

I am a woman of faith. As a Christian, I believe that no matter what happens in my life, or in the world at large, God is in control. 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” When I find myself starting to feel overwhelmed by fear, I give it to God. He can deal with it. I don’t know the future. I don’t know when or how my life will end. I can’t change anything by worrying about it. Instead, I trust him to help and guide me every day. There is something very freeing about handing over control to someone else.

For those of you out there who are feeling scared, know that you are not alone. In the right context, it is a natural response to threats and dangers and can actually save your life. But it doesn’t have to control you or destroy your peace of mind. Don’t let fear kill your mind.