Battling Anxiety and Depression

The world is a mess. Headlines in the news and on social media scream of war, hatred, pain, and loss. Our children are fearful for the future. Anxiety and mental health issues are at an all time high. Where is the hope?

I have been particularly struck by my friends in the USA and Canada who are extremely worried about what Trump might do. His policies and rhetoric are affecting their lives and those they love already. What next?

Before I launch into my helpful list, I want to declare my “qualifications” so you realise I am talking from a place of understanding and experience.

I have been depressed for much of my life, although I was only first diagnosed in my late thirties. I very likely suffered undiagnosed post-natal depression. I have experienced panic attacks. I have been suicidal. Once I started to take tablets but was interrupted and “saved” by my now brother-in-law. That was a real cry for help. On another occasion, I had planned my death thoroughly and in such a way that I would not be discovered, and if I was, they would not be able to save me. That was a desperate need to put an end to the heartache I was experiencing at the time. Since being diagnosed I have needed medication several times. The first time I was so ashamed, I ordered by husband not to tell anyone I was on antidepressants. I felt like a failure. I felt humiliated to think I couldn’t “sort myself out” and “snap out of it”.

I know what it is like.

This list isn’t exhaustive or in any order of importance. Some of it may not be relevant, but these are things that helped me in my struggles. Perhaps there is something here that will resonate with you.

1. Tell Someone.

As a child, I was taught that you never talk about issues or struggles you were having. It wasn’t explicitly stated, but we had to keep secrets from relatives and some things were never discussed. So, when the blackness first appeared, I knew I had to deal with it alone. To ask for help would mean I was a failure and bring shame to the family.

I also didn’t have any close friends. I moved schools every three years of my life. In between, we were moving house due to my dad’s job. The only way to keep in contact was by letter, and that gradually fizzled out. I learnt that relationships were transitory.

Now, I have cultivated a group of incredibly supportive friends who I feel safe to discuss pretty much anything with. We all need people like that. Hopefully, you already have someone close, but if not, make it a priority to find a safe person to talk to. If it’s not a family member or friend, then seek out a counsellor or ring one of the many helplines like Samaritans.

2. Make an appointment to see your GP.

I ended up in my GP’s office telling him I had thyroid problems because I was gaining weight and feeling lethargic. When he told me he thought I was depressed, I burst into tears and denied it. Thankfully, he was a very astute man in the days when your Dr got to know you well. He was absolutely right.

The second time I felt the crushing blackness coming back, I ran to him and asked for more of my happy pills. By then, I had realised how useful they were in pulling you back from the brink and allowing the colour to return to your life. No shame or embarrassment anymore! I needed them. Neither was I keeping it a secret. This was important and part of my recovery was gaining the support of family and friends (who did not vilify me or see me as a failure.)

3. Stop dieting.

I went to see my boss to tell her that I was back on medication. She was someone who was extremely supportive and more like a friend. She asked me if I had been dieting.

Now, since I was seven years old, I believed I was fat. Remember, I grew up in the decades when Twiggy was seen as the epitome of a woman’s body. Over the years, I have been on every diet known to man. I have starved myself. At one point, I became anorexic, hiding the fact that I was hardly eating from everyone.

This particular time, I had been on a low/no fat diet in yet another attempt to become lithe and willowy.  My boss urged me to stop, telling me that the brain needs fat to help the neurones keep firing. I hadn’t realised the negative effect my diets were having on my brain.

I stopped dieting years ago. My body has levelled out at a weight and stayed there. There are occasional blips, like a Christmas blow-out, or unplanned fast because of illness, but my weight has not changed. I am happy. I buy clothes that fit me, and I don’t despair at the labels.  For me, my mental health is more important than fitting into someone else’s idea of how thin I should be.

4. Turn off the news and stop doomscrolling.

In the old days, you tuned into the news at six or ten o’clock to see what was happening in the world. You might buy a newspaper in the morning which would include an editorial but otherwise would stick to the facts.

Now, we are bombarded by news 24/7. Because there is only so much that can be reported, the majority of it is opinion and speculation. Lies are reported as facts. Fake news is a thing, but what part of it is fake? Because of the internet and the speed of communication across the globe, we are subjected to every war, every atrocity, every disaster.

95% of what we hear and see cannot be influenced by us. We are at the mercy of this barrage of chaos that we can do nothing about. No wonder anxiety is through the roof.

I stopped watching the news a few years ago. When covid first appeared, I listened in to the daily updates from the PM but then switched the TV off. Sometimes, a story will leak into my consciousness. I might check a (fairly) reputable website to get the facts. Then I move on. There is nothing I can do to stop the war in the Ukraine. I can’t deflect a meteor heading to earth. I have no cure for yet another manufactured virus. I have no influence in the White House.

Believe me when I tell you, I sleep much better in my ignorance.

You can also sign up to a daily newsletter which promises only good news. Fill your minds with that instead and achieve some balance.

5. Adopt an attitude of gratitude.

Scientists have discovered something rather amazing. Anxiety and gratitude cannot exist together. If you concentrate your mind on the blessings in your life, anxiety is reduced. Before this nugget of information was made known, I had already used my blessings book to help me in my fight against depression.

Every night before I went to sleep, I made myself write down ten things I was grateful for that day. I also said that I couldn’t write the same thigs every time- they had to be different. It was really hard, especially at the beginning. I struggled to think of anything.

Then something amazing happened. I started to notice things in the day that I wanted to remember to put in my book. The sun coming out in a day of rain when I had to walk to work. A blackbird visiting me as I sat outside. A smile. A compliment. The beauty of a flower. The glory of a sunset. My husband making me a coffee or offering to cook dinner. A parking space exactly where I needed it.

My focus changed. Instead of being full of doom, I saw beauty and light. Instead of evil and hatred, I saw love and friendliness.

6. Celebrate the little things.

I dislike the long winter months. To be fair, apart from a couple of weeks when it was way too hot to go outside, we didn’t get much of a summer either. It seems that the grey clouds and constant rain never stops. The lack of vitamin D affects your immune system. I used to get SAD, Seasonal affective disorder, which affected me every winter. If you are someone who gets this, I highly recommend a SAD lamp, especially if, like me, you were working in a dark office with very little natural light. (Make sure you choose one that is medically approved. There are a lot of cheap versions that are not true SAD lamps.)

Instead of feeling the horrid let-down after the pretty Christmas lights and tinsel are put away, start to plan your next celebration. In fact, make up a calendar to celebrate something every day. You can find plenty of ideas here. Involve the family. Start a new tradition.

I was at my sister’s last weekend and the Saturday happened to be Burns Night. I’ve never celebrated it before, but we had great fun bringing in the haggis, drinking toasts, making speeches, and trying to read Robert Burn’s poems and songs aloud. Yesterday was Chocolate cake day – how can we not celebrate that?

To end the month on a high, Jan 31st is Fun at Work Day, Hot Chocolate Day, Big Wig Day, Inspire your Heart with Art Day, and National Backward Day. I’m pretty sure there is something in that list to tempt you!

7. Get Outside

I’ve already talked about the benefits of sunshine and natural light, but one of the main things you will be told is exercise outside is highly beneficial. Now, I have to admit this is one I struggle with. When I’m feeling low, the last thing I’d do is don a coat and go out in the cold and the rain. I’m much more likely to snuggle up in a blanket and binge-watch something on TV. So, in many ways this is coming from a place of “do as I say, not as I do.”

Things that have forced me out the door include my husband offering to drive me into the New Forest so I can have a small stroll. Taking my granddaughter to the local wildlife park for the day. Going on a clicking adventure with my photography buddies.

If, like me, you struggle with this one, reach out to others. Going outside is more fun when it has a purpose, or if you are in the company of friends. I would highly recommend photography as a hobby. If you want to get started, you don’t need a lot of expensive equipment. Many phones now come with pretty decent camaras and can get you started.

I joined A year with my Camera. It is completely free. Emma emails you once a week with a lesson and a topic for you to practice. If you fall behind, it doesn’t matter. Just keep the emails in a folder and do them at your own pace. There is no pressure, and you may make some friendships that last well beyond the course.

My two best clicking buddies!

So, there we are. I hope something in the list helps you. If you have other suggestions, I’d love to hear them! Leave me a comment. I am also happy to chat to anyone who is struggling. You can email me at smwritersworld@outlook.com.